Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
