if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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