Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
