these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
