Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
