is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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