Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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