he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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