My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
