also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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