My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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