Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
