the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize