I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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