I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Damn victory sex feels great
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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