Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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