Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
