just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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