Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize