I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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