Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
