i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize