I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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