Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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