Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
