I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
