I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
