I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
