So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
