Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
