smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
