someone threw a dead crab at me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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