i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize