I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
