I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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