just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
