I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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