Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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