Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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