U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
