i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
