dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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