i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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