She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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