dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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