May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
there is puke in my bra ... again
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