Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
