Porn is love you can see.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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