Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
