Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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