I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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