A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
