i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
