Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
