Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
