Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
