And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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