Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
