remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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