you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
