I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
