Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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