he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
