I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
