Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
