I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
