I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
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