i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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