I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize