ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The beer is more important than you right now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
